Ok, so I really think I'm a great employee. I work hard, I try to make sure our clients needs are met with precision, warmth and excellence. I devote a ridiculous amount of my personal time brainstorming how to increase my on-the-job efficiency, how to streamline and perfect our processes for every aspect of what I do. I try to communicate thoroughly and effectively with my co-workers and clients all the while presenting my cheerful, helpful and dependable self. There are times though, when I doubt my ability to play nicely with others. There are a couple of clients that are a real challenge to deal with, but when it really boils down to it, as long as I'm really thorough and controlling of the situation, things usually go ok. Also, I only have to deal with them a couple of times per month, that gives me time to refill my tolerance and patience tanks before dealing with them again.
It is a bit different though with my co-workers, I deal with them every day. For the most part, it's fine, most of my co-workers are brilliant, dedicated, hardworking and open to improving our processes where needed. There are a couple though that are very challenging to deal with. I'm just praying and praying for patience and wisdom on how to deal with them. It's excruciating though, having to talk to the boss about ridiculous things because my co-workers can't be at all reasonable. Talking to my boss is one of my most dreaded moments.... it's silly really. He's nice, listens well and seems to really be open to ideas about resolving conflicts. Yet there I stand, panicing, with sweaty palms, heart racing, cheeks flaming red. It's awful. I lose all my eloquence, I have a terrible time expressing what I'm trying to say, it's basically a nightmare. Oh, how I wish I could just deal with my co-workers, get things resolved and not ever have to go in to my boss' office again.... Oh, well, as my mom would say, 'you're in the wishful thinking department again, good luck' :)
Weight: Not sure, I'll try to remember to weigh myself at the gym tonight.... maybe I should get a scale if I'm really going to try to track that.......... ;)
Physical well being: Not too bad today. A little sore from exercising, that's good though, means I'm keeping my promise to myself about that.......
Mental well being: Not the best, feeling a bit despondent. I've been taking the St John's Wort for a couple of days now, hopefully I'll begin to see results from that soon.
Sleep: Not enough again last night. Mostly nightmares to blame, recurring ones about creditors coming to my house and taking everything, including my kid and my dog. I've forgotten what it feels like to sleep and dream of good things....
Food: I've been right on track lately, eating lots of fresh veggies (raw and cooked), not a lot of meats. Whole grain pastas, crackers and breads (small amounts of all those things). I've also cut down on my dairy, mostly now only really having a bit in my kefir and fruit smoothies (both home-made, and both delicious!)
Exercise: Trying to exercise every day. Mostly succeeding. I am alternating between hitting the gym and taking Zeus (my giant dog) on long walks. I'm also trying to use my yoga ball whenever possible for sitting on (working my core).
Housework: I've been really working on getting on top things at home. I've totally re-organized my living room and deep-cleaned it. I also started on my kitchen, I'm about 80% done re-organizing it and about 60% done with the deep-cleaning. Once that's done, I'm going to work on the upstairs! I don't know why, but lately, it feels really important to me to have a clean and organized home. Maybe it's because it's something I can control, when most of the difficult parts of my life are so completely out of my hands, it's one thing I can actively do something about.....
Relationship with God: I'm still choosing to talk to Him. It's been a very long time since I've really felt His presence. I'm confused by the struggles I'm seeing in my own life and the lives of others dear to me that He doesn't seem to be intervening in. I'm trying to stay strong and not lose faith, but I feel very lost and confused.
Bible Study: Reading Psalms and Proverbs, at least one chapter of each today. For the first time in a long time, I don't really feel the Word hitting home with me. I don't really know what to think of that........
General Thoughts: So far this project has proven to be a bit of a challenge. Not having a computer at home makes it difficult for me to post more than a couple of times per week. My general malaise makes it hard for me to take the time to post even when I am near a computer. I do still believe that it's at least therapeutic for me to say what I have to say though, so I guess it's not a complete waste of time. I am hopeful that my continuation of better eating habits and a more active lifestyle will start to ease my physical discomfort soon. Well, here's hoping...........
More when I can!
~Jess
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