So, today was an incredibly difficult one for me. My little beagle, Shelby Lynne, had been bravely fighting kidney disease for the last six months or so. The last few weeks, she had been having trouble, in and out of the vets office, really struggling. Then, last week, she became really ill. Today, when I got home from work it was so apparent that she was exhausted and in pain. I've never before had to deal with this kind of thing. To have her laying there on the couch, struggling to take each breath. To actually have to make the decision to take her to the vet and put her to sleep, it broke my heart. I was really not prepared for the emotional exhaustion, or the physical exertion. (burying her took us hours)
Lately, it seems as if my life is spiraling downward un-checked, and now I've lost my little companion. I can't make any sense of anything right now. I'm just going to decide not to give up yet. I'll keep trying, putting one foot in front of the other. I'll proceed with this mad plan to document this year of my life. I'll refuse to be de-railed in my mission no matter what life throws at me, no matter what losses I suffer. I will also endeavor to be better, a better mom, a better dog owner (yes Zeus, this means more walks for you!), a better home-maker even though I don't get to be there very much, a better human being. Lord, give me strength, for I have NONE of my own today.
No comments:
Post a Comment